The details from Episode 1 of Crit Juice.

Drinking Gods Rules

  • "Finish your drink when you drop below 0 hit points" - Alyssa C.
  • "Unlucky 4s" - Drink when you roll a 4 on d20. - Mark G


  • "Speed Limit" - Roll a 20 on an initiative check. Unlocked by Matt Cook.

Crit Fail Cards

  • I swing my weapon with such force that I dislocate both shoulders. Can't attack until healed. Rolled by Brian.

Peasant girl w/baby


  • "Welcome to the <BLANK> podcast!" ("the Skulls," "The Simpsons")
  • Wolf's wolf is Chase
  • Handsome Gary
  • Birds!
  • Gralford's voice (or lack of it)
  • Matt Buchholtz, gourmand
  • Tom's favorite joke
  • Special Guests (Bill Paxton, Bill Pullman)
  • Gralford's an elf
  • "You know he's a rabbit, right?"
  • "We all stand up!"
  • Gary's drinking

New Mechanics

  • Drinking Gods
  • Princess Points

Listen to Episode 1


The party awakens after defeating Amon Rath, to find that they have the mark of the Last Hope branded onto their palms, and also that a magical gem - the Crystal Key - remains. Gralford gives the crystal key to Halvek. Chase spots King Godfrey's coded, secret journal sticking out of his charred pocket, which Wolf grabs. Dar'Jjeeki goes over to help the Princess, who swoons into his handsome arms. She asks what happened to Ezra, and her brother appears, climbing in the window. He explains that he was transported by the fog into the netherworld, where he saw everything living in Mariposa bound, naked and supplicant on the cracked and blasted plains of Hell. Ezra realized the genius of King Godfrey's plan, and hopes to extend the plan further. He lashes out, stabbing Halvek, and snatches the Crystal Key. Activating it, he turns insubstantial and phases through the wall. Ezra quickly mounts a horse and rides off. The party pursues him after Wolf shoots Ezra in the back and Arience suavely introduces himself to the Princess (still in Dar'Jjeeki's arms). The party - including Camellia, Halvek and the peasant girl with her baby - run through the abandoned, pitch-black streets of Mariposa, until they arrive at the city gates. They find their way blocked by a massive mound of butchered horses, which launches the group into a long tangent about which parts of the horse are best to eat, Willie Nelson, and guest stars. Then there are shuddering booms, and the city gates are sundered by a abominable 25' tall giant, who proceeds to stuff his face with horse meat until he notices the party. The fight commences. Wolf dislocates both of his shoulders, and Doc fixes them with a bit of admonition from Dar'Jjeeki. The giant repeatedly tries to strike Gralford and misses as the party hammers him mercilessly. Finally, he grabs Doc out of frustration instead, then throws him to hit Arience. Gralford causes that impact to be reduced to the impact of two fluffy pillows. Doc leaps up from the throw, fully extending his great spear and gutting the giant, who falls, defeated. The Princess, white from shock, begins to babble with delight at how amazing the battle was. The Giant Freaking Head rocks back and forth, detaches from the body and rolls toward the party…

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