This page provides the details of Crit Juice, Episode 14, which was recorded as part of session four. This session featured special guest Ryan Gaul. Edit it to add any details you think are missing.

Listen to Episode 14

Drinking Gods Rules

In addition to the Golden Rules, the following applied to this episode:

  • "Pouring one out for the homies. Whenever a player (sic) falls to zero hit points, everyone else must drink." Submitted by @doublegxG



  • The Vault of the Lucky Loot
  • Swirling Vortex of Lava over a portal to Hell.

Pop or Culture References

  • 'WAAAAAAAAAA' - Inception the movie the music from the trailer.
  • 'R Rated Carebear Stare' - the Carebears were a cartoon in the 80-90s
  • 'The Peter Dinklage collection' - Tom Fonss was quoted by Matt Cook, Peter Dinklage is a small person and an actor in Game of Thrones.
  • The House of M - A Short Series Marvel Comic from 2005.
  • It's the backstreet boys! - A Boy band from the 90's.
  • "Some of us have Steins" Gertrude Steins - an American Play write.
  • "This Chick is Toast"- a Ghostbuster's Line

Amazing Moments

  • When the group loots the bodies there is a tiny Tunic in the loot with a dwarf on it. At that point Gary is handed a tiny baby onesie with a picture of Gralford on it. Gary is extremely touched, and speechless. The group thanks Gary for getting his wife pregnant.
  • The Group Levels from level 7 to 9
  • The first mention of the 'Ryan Gaul' fall - when Matt C. knocks his dice off the table.
  • David reminds himself to not say no to these creative people when they want to have their inner Dragon's be 'Rainbow and puce'.


The Episode begins in the middles of the combat with the constructs and Tormod. Doc Stabs his spear through one of the contructs.

In the Middle of the room, the machine that had been shaking the floor changes it's vibration. Reality blinks for the second and gravity reverses in the room. All of the objects, characters, and NPC's all are thrown upwards and fight to maintain their balance. Everyone falls prone, except Tormod to walks up to to finish Gub. Gub takes the blow dropping to zero hit points, a culmination of the fall damage and the devastating from blow from Tormod.

Tormod congratulates himself and mocks the others, "You think you have a chance, when your greatest warrior has falling at my feet." Doc starts laughing at him, that he thinks Gub is the best fighter. Dar'Jjeeki uses energy strobe missing, and upset he unzips reaches into his pants pulling out his tiny dick and a beam of glorious light shoots Dazzling Ray at Tormod pushing him into the wall striking him dead.

Gravity reverses again, dropping everyone to the floor. They loot the bodies and find:

  • Fey Blessed Circlet (Dar'Jjeeki claimed)
  • Auspicious Dice (Arience claimed)
  • Mace tail Behemoth figuring (Doc claimed)
  • Small tunic that would fit halfling - emblazoned with a dwarf running away at high speed.
  • Additional Gold

The Vault door swings open, walking in is Azmar flanked by a group of five deadly assassins:

The well dressed man (Kari) stares at Arience as he enters. Dovana enters staying in the vault entrance, obviously betraying the group to Azmar. Dar'Jjeeki yells at her, the group seems shocked. Dovana gets paid 40,000 gold pieces for handing over a living Gub. Gub struggles to his feet and calls to Dovana in extremely slow motion, 'Dovana… How could you?". Dovana takes the money and looks back at Gub, apologizing calling him 'Gubsey'. Dar'Jjeeki continues to yell profanities at her, heart broken for his friend. Doc eyes Dovana noticing something. Dovana seems very torn about her decision but ends up turning and leaving.

Azmar notices Tormod is dead at last, but shrugs it off. Azmar blames the group for bring the vibrating machine into his vault. Gub and Azmar start swearing at each other. Azmak enters, who knows about the machine, and is stressed that the machine is activated. Azmak is frustrated with being under Azmar as an employee. Azmak has been working with the 'Veiled-eye', betraying Azmar.

Azmak pulls out a wand waving it, blinding white light, then blackness, and all the world goes dark. The group doesn't know how much time has passed.

Wolf has a vision that he is on a desert plain, the Princess is talking to him about the Crystal Key in his possession. She explains how to use it, that it can be attuned to the other members of the group. That if it is attuned the group can teleport through space and time. As she talks tiny hair line fractures climb up her neck and over her face, she crumbles in on her self, inside her faceless body are the flames of hell. A voice comes from the flames "We are coming back…". With that everyone wakes up.

The Machine has collapsed the entire casino and the large section of the city of Blazestone into the active volcano. Down below is a swirling vortex of lava, in the center is a portal to hell.

As they stand up, each hero is on their own platform of land, paired off with their own assassin.

  • Dar'Jjeeki and the Prince is facing the Drow Ghoul Anushear.
  • Wolf is facing Gobi, Getry, and Kimlorde - the Gibbleblot Brothers
  • Gralford is facing off against the Shadow Seer of Pemwad Peak
  • Doc is facing off against Zizerot
  • Arience is facing Kari
  • Gub faces off against Azmar

As everyone is facing off, and Arience rolls his Dice of Auspicious Fortune, which allows him to be luckier in the next combat. Dar'Jjeeki moves to protect the Princess, and attack the Drow pushing her off the edge, she screams "I didn't know this was going to be such an intense tickle fight'. Dar'Jjeeki disgusted by the Drow, launches chromatic Orb at her, freezing her in the Lava. She whispers "that tickles.. Prepare your self as soon as I find out which one of you is the Princess" as a death wave is released on Dar'Jjeeki and the Princess, who are pushed onto the edge of Lava with Necrotic damage. She waves her hand and a skeleton appears "Do you like puppetry… because I have a show for you'.

Wolf and Chase are facing off against the Brothers, leashing twin strike, he moves back to the lava. All Three brothers raise their blow pipes and shoot Wolf with blow darts warning him before, "Here comes some darts!" only 1 hits Wolf with the poison dart.

Gralford tries to convince the Shadow Seer not to fight. "What an interesting thing to say but I know what you are really thinking, your looking straight at my tits. It's too late for peace." Gralford eye level with her breasts decides to bull rush her pushing her to the edge of the lava, prone. Gralford uses Amathor's Step, disappears in a flash of lightning appearing next to Wolf and Chase. The Shadow Seer teleports to Gralford and throws a sherakin at him. Wolf is able to get in the way, interrupting her throw and making her miss.

Doldorn's blessing falls down onto Doc, allowing him to cast 'Feat of Strength', and preps to throw the Antman if he comes near him. Zzizereit says "I hope your a doctor because your going to need Benedryl after this sting." Doc is confused if he is allergic to him now. Zzizereit uses his Glave, and Doc his spear to hurl him, allowing the Ant-man to hit him with a dart as he falls into the Lava. Doc is unaffected.

Kari "The Blacksmith of Imaskar" is standing in front of Arience. "A pleasure to face you, My Lord". Arience tries to talk to him. Kari basically monologues about how he has studied him his whole life, to be able to kill Arience and take his place in the royal family of Thunderblood. LP flys to another platform. Arience's eye flash as orbs of fire appear and circle his head like a halo, making him look like a M.E.L.F. Kari summons psionic ectoplasm, which he shapes weakly hits Arience. The ectoplasm gets flashed with flame, burning.

Gub glares at Azmar and says "This ones for you Abraxal". A friend he has to kill. Azmar says "Bring it on." Swings his sword with power and hits Azmar with a little bit extra. Azmar says "A little bit of frosting.." Gub spins and hits him again, Azmar shocked "I see someone's been studying." Gub replies "I have a whole bunch of hate that.. you know what.." Azmar dismisses him, "Tell me when you learn how to talk. It's time to talk with swords." Gub tries to explain, "I didn't have enough dicks in that sentence for it to make sense. Suck my dick, you dick licking, mother fucking ass face"… Azmar: "Bring it over here…" Gub: "I'll take my dick and put it on your…" Azmar: "Okay wait, this is going in a direction I didn't think it would go in." Azmar swings his waraxe around hiting Gub in the side, quipping "My dick is in the shop, this will have to do." Taking another swing missing and breathes fire into Gub's face.

The Vortex swirls, pulling the platforms down closer to the portal.

Dar'Jjeeki and the Princess feeling outmatched against the Drow, Dar'Jjeeki had the flask of 'Dragon's Breath' handing it to the Princess to use on the Drow. She spits a large flame against the skeleton and the Drow who dodges behind it. The Skeleton falls apart, leaving Dar'Jjeeki able to attack.

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