This page provides the details of Crit Juice, Episode 15, which was recorded as part of session four. This session featured special guest Ryan Gaul. Edit it to add any details you think are missing.

Listen to Episode 15


Drinking Gods Rules
In addition to the Golden Rules, the following applied to this episode:

  • "Pouring one out for the homies. Whenever a player (sic) falls to zero hit points, everyone else must drink." Submitted by @doublegxG
  • “Gaul Fall” - Whenever you drop dice you drink. Established half way through this episode.

Characters

Achievements

Locations

Crit Deck Cards

Pulled by Brian: From somewhere you can’t quite place you hear “He has suffered enough”, you notice a godly Valkyrie warrior flies down on a shimmering white Pegasus firing a blindingly bright arrow into your target. As she winks at you, instead of being struck by your now severely distracted attack takes an arrow in the chest for 1d8+4 piercing Damage and 1d12+6 holy damage. As she flies off the Valkyrie flashes you with the most magnificent breasts you have ever seen just before flying off to her home behind the clouds. Submitted by @apock

Crit Fail Cards

Pulled by Matt B.: While backing away from your enemies you accidentally push an emergency exist open, and a group fo ninjas come in and totally flip out. Lose two surges fighting them. Submitted Jennifer L.

Pop or Culture References

Ghost – Gary thinks Chase looks like Ghost from “Game of Thrones” a Book series “The Song of Fire and Ice” by George RR Marten.
‘Too Legit to Quit’ – MC Hammer Song from the 1980’s
Fern Gully – a Movie from 1992


SUMMARY

The fight over the Lava Vortex in the middle of Blazestone continues with the 5 assassins: Ghoul Anusheer, The Gibbleblat Brothers, The Shadow Seer of Pelmawd Peak, Zzizereit, Kari "The Blacksmith of Imaskar" and Azmar the Ashmaker himself.

Dar’Jjeeki launches Dazzling Ray at the Drow – her whole body shudders from the attack, she growls “So much force from a puny bunny man. Do it for me.. Turn into a bunny.” She waves her hand whispering under her breath the skeleton reforms. The Skeleton strikes Dar’Jjeeki with a Necrotic Burst as the Drow screams “Necrotic Burst”. Dar’Jjeeki’s chaotic necrotic resistance helps him withstand the attack. The Drow scoffs, “The tickle fights not over until you piss your pants with blood.” Her and her skeleton both attempt to attack again both missing the quick Dar’Jjeeki.

Meanwhile, Wolf shoots twin arrows at the Gibbleblat brothers, both hitting. Chase had conveniently had a little St. Bernard flask of Dragonbreath whiskey around his neck. Chase drinks from the flask and breaths out Dragonbreath hitting all the brothers. Wolf acts again shooting two fang strike at the brothers. A valkerie appears from above flying in on a Shimmering White Pegasus saying ‘He has suffered enough’ shoots an arrow into the blooded Gibbleblat brother killing him and distracting wolf from successfully hitting as she flies away on her Pegasus flashing wolf her Breasts. The others yell “Gobfey.. you killed our brothers’ the two remaining Brothers shoot at Gralford missing. On the same platform Gralford marks the Kimlord scratching him lightly. The Seer Strikes a poison dagger poisoning Wolf, allowing Gralford to hit her with his sword. Chase seeing Wolf get hit jumps up and bites the Seer’s throat knocking her down, “Stupid puppy, you’re next, you’re dead.”

Doc facing the antman Zzizereit, reaches into his pack and pulls out the Jade Macetail throwing him into the sky making the summoned creature appear above the antman which falls, Zzizereit manages to move out of the way. Doc runs and jumps to the same platform as Azmar and Gub, Azmar turns and says “Ah, welcome aboard… ahh… where the fuck did you come from?” Gub laughs, “You sound pretty nervous Azmar.” Azmar replies, “I thought this was tea for two, but hey everyone is welcome.” Doc warns everyone that if this is a duel he is just leaving. Gub ensures it is not. Azmar tries to convince Doc that it is in fact a duel. Zzizereit manages to pull himself up and yelling at Doc “What the matter Doc? Did mom call you home for dinner? Huh?” He jumps up to where Doc is.

Arience sends out his flaming orb and beguiling strand at Kari and the construct, pushing the construct into the lava. He then throws another orb at Kari setting him on fire. Arience flips up to a hire platform. Kari starts to pursue, tries to jump misses and half lands in the lava burning his skin. Kari manages to push out a psychic blow damaging and slowing Arience.
Gub poises his hit, managing to his Azmar.

At this point the Gaul Fall was initiated.

Azmar asks, “Gub, what happened to us?” Gub replies confused, “What do you mean?” Azmar continues, “I mean what are we do fighting like this?” Gub “You got a lot of nerve trying to sweet talk me..” Azmar goes on, “I’m not trying to sweet talk you, I’m just telling you, what are you really looking for in this life..” Gub is stuck, “That’s a really existential question, and we only have a short podcast.” While Gub ponders his life, Azmar attacks. Doc likes to protect Gub and hits Azmar with a mighty hue interrupting and making Azmar’s attack less awesome.

The Lava Swirls down, dropping Dar’Jjeeki/the Princess, Wolf/Gralford, Gub/Doc, all move closer in the vortex. Dar’Jjeeki takes his staff it darkens as a horrible filthy blast shoots forth at the Drow pushing her back, she becomes poisonous to Dar’Jjeeki’s enemies destroying the Skeleton. She launches magic missile at Dar’Jjeeki staggering him as she laughs in his face. She attempts to bring the skeleton back, she is immobilized in the lava and continues to burn, she realizes she is about to be swept away into the lava.

Wolf uses poisoned arrows, hitting and shoots again, hitting the brothers. The Gibbleblat brothers say to Wolf “Thank you for leaving this little puppy down here, I smell Purina puppy chow… yum yum”, they focus their attack on Chase. Wolf interrupts the attack defensively, the brothers still attack him.

Gralford raises his shield and a lighting storm forms above him, he attacks the Seer hitting her teleporting next to the first brother, and teleport to the seer, scratching each slightly. The Seer stands up hitting Gralford in the neck, making him fall unconscious. The Seer stands and says “Nighty night.. as in have a good nap.”

Doc attacks Zzizereit, missing epically opening a door ninja’s come out and he is forced to fight them up becoming drained in the process. Zzizereit spins his glaive hitting both Gub and Doc, yelling ‘Slide!” attempting to push them into the lava missing.

Arience takes a ball of fire and misses Kari, but the magic missile hits Kari. Kari pulls himself up bleeding and on fire misses Arience with his psychic blast. Attacking again hitting Arience dazing him.

Back with Gub and Azmar. Azmar asks gently, “I’m just wondering why we aren’t what we use to be?” Gub flabbergasted, “Oh my god, you are really trying to sweet talk me… Don’t you remember treating me like shit for years on end? Azmar retorts, “I treated you like shit because I wanted you to be better.” Gub is taken aback, “This is some fatherly shit coming from a Yakuza mob boss…” Azmar not deterred offers Gub, “Come with me, it’s not too late. Come with me…”

Gub refuses as the Episode concludes.


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