The details of episode 49 of Crit Juice.

Listen to Episode 49.

Drinking Gods Rules

  • Finish your drink because Brian McGrath is not at the session
  • Matt Buchholtz drinks a shot whenever Gralford does 20 or more damage in an attack
  • "No Fs Given (or: Poor Azmar should have put his armor on): whenever you roll below a 10 on any d20 skill check and still succeed, (take a) drink." Submitted by @JoshtheValiant
  • "Super Gaul Fall: Effective regardless of whether the Gaul Fall is in play, whenever one of your dice falls to the floor, choose another player. That player receives +2 to their next attack, and chooses someone to finish their drink." Submitted by @JoeDoff
  • "Don't Make Me Drink Alone: Whenever Gub drinks from his flask, everyone else must drink with him." Submitted by @paleside. Everyone drank twice at the start of the session, and then twice again when rolling initiative a few minutes later.
  • "Freaky Dice Day: drink when you roll a 13 on a d20. Then, select another player whenever you would make a d20 roll; they roll instead, and vice-versa. This effect lasts until the end of the encounter. Submitted by Michael E. Note: Tom rolls a 13 in this episode, and chooses to switch dice-rolling with Matt Cook.




  • "Finish the most drinks before the game session begins" - Just as it says. Reward: a power crystal, which can be expended to grant +1 to hit. Matt Buchholtz unlocked this one by drinking four beers before the recording started.
  • "Slow as Molasses" - Unlocked by Arience in the first encounter.
  • "Action Hero" - Be the first to use an action point in an encounter. Reward: a power crystal. Unlocked by Gub in the first round of combat.
  • "Fail Lord" - Reward: a power crystal. Unlocked by Gralford for falling, again.

Crit Fail Cards

  • "She Looked Eighteen" - In the middle of combat, you see one of those dark pixie girls with the tattoos that everyone in this setting has been talking about. You can't help but flirt. Suddenly Chris Hanson appears, and shames you for attempting to seduce a minor. Standard actions and movement actions only. By Tom the Fanboy.


  • Gary doesn't drink much
  • "Dol Dorn"
  • Pillow-talk Gralford - everyone's favorite action figure
  • Gub tells the best stories (starting to talk about fighting giant bats)
  • "I Taunt Him With Kisses - the Gub T. Montgomery story"
  • "Welcome to the <blank> podcast!" (Skulls)
  • "Girl, you an Action Point!"

Pop or Culture References

  • Wheel of Time series (Robert Jordan)
  • Chocobos - kawaii riding ostrich creatures featured in a minigame within the video game Final Fantasy VII, which you capture and breed to win races.
  • Reading Rainbow - an American TV show where LeVar Burton summarized children's books for kids.
  • Stevie Nicks - lead singer of 70s rock band "Fleetwood Mac," later a solo artist
  • Johnny Cash - country singer who recorded "Ring of Fire" (1963)
  • "Higher" - a 1999 song by Creed, with the lyric "Can You Take Me Higher?" Apparently Matt Cook doesn't like it…or maybe he likes it just a little too much?
  • Princess Peach - the floating damsel in distress from the Super Mario Bros. and Smash Bros. video games
  • Captain America - a comic book hero with an impenetrable shield
  • Mary Poppins - a character from a British children's book, later made into a Disney film featuring a prim nursemaid who floats with an umbrella
  • Montell Jordan - American R&B artist
  • R. Kelly - American R&B artist repeatedly accused of sexually abusing underage girls
  • Silver Sable - a mercenary bounty hunter in the Marvel comics universe.
  • Georgi LaForge - a character from Star Trek: The Next Generation, a blind engineer (coincidentally also played by LeVar Burton from Reading Rainbow)
  • Heroes in a tortoise colored shell - Teenage Mutants Ninja Turtles theme song
  • Squirtle - a particularly ridiculous creature from the card and video game series Pokemon
  • Also Sprach Zarathustra - a famous Strauss musical theme, used in "2001: A Space Odyssey"
  • Maury Povich - an American host of daytime trash TV.
  • Daria - an American animated TV show

The episode begins with a medley of "Previously, on Crit Juice…" intros.
On the Summer Isle of Yth, everyone is safe as long as the walls keep the rampaging monsters out. An enormous bat bears Krugfesh, the Arch-Fey of Rot, as the monsters of the jungle - the Five Kings of the Feywild - pour through the sundered gates and attack. The Arch-Fey of Rot laughs, and the party tries to out-maniacally laugh him. Gub leaps onto Pete's back and they fly up to fight Krugfesh. The Sable Fox, the Prismatic Hare, and the Lodestone Tortoise begin to kill the Fey citizenry, while the Hound of Dol Dorn attacks Lana Ley. Gralford teleports sixty feet into the air, and then plummets to the earth again for a lot of damage, and he spends all of his minor actions for the rest of the combat comically trying to get his crushed helmet off of his head. He slashes the Hound of Dol Dorn so hard that it is stunned. Arience forces the giant bat down. Wolf, who'd been teleported mysteriously to a tavern, launches mystical arrows that randomly rain down on the battlefield, striking the Sable Fox and the Hound. The Chase Wolf pounds Wolf before he disappears again. Pete dives after the bat and snatches Krugfesh off of his mount, slamming him down onto the ground. The Kings of the Feywild continue to murder NPCs. The lodestone tortoise yanks Gralford's sword from his hand and then shoots it out in a rain of swordy death; his own sword skewers him. Then all the Kings of the Feywild and Krugfesh teleport to dogpile onto Gralford. Dar'Jjeeki and DarTaji argue about whether DarTaji can duel Krugfesh, during which Dar'Jjeeki unleashes a hurricane of spells onto the villain, killing him. DarTaji falls off of his fat pony and smashes Krugfesh's scepter, which drives the Kings of the Feywild insane.

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