This page details Episode 51 of Crit Juice, an interlude on the Summer Isle of Yth after the party defeated Krugfesh and the Five Kings of the Feywild in the previous episode.

Listen to Episode 51


Drinking Gods Rules
In addition to the four Golden Rules, the following Drinking Gods Rules applied to this episode (though none were invoked):

  • Matt Buchholtz drinks a shot whenever Gralford does 20 or more damage in an attack
  • "No Fs Given (or: Poor Azmar should have put his armor on): whenever you roll below a 10 on any d20 skill check and still succeed, (take a) drink." Submitted by @JoshtheValiant
  • "Super Gaul Fall: Effective regardless of whether the Gaul Fall is in play, whenever one of your dice falls to the floor, choose another player. That player receives +2 to their next attack, and chooses someone to finish their drink." Submitted by @JoeDoPH
  • "Don't Make Me Drink Alone: Whenever Gub drinks from his flask, everyone else must drink with him." Submitted by @paleside. Everyone drank twice at the start of the session, and then twice again when rolling initiative a few minutes later.
  • "Freaky Dice Day: drink when you roll a 13 on a d20. Then, select another player whenever you would make a d20 roll; they roll instead, and vice-versa. This effect lasts until the end of the encounter. Submitted by Michael E. Note: Tom rolls a 13 in this session, and so if there had been any rolls, Matt Cook would have rolled for Tom.

Characters

Locations

There was no combat in this episode (and only one check - when Gralford eyed Lana Ley), so there were no achievements, crits or crit fails, and no drinking god rules went into effect.

Jokes

  • "Loot that Body!"
  • Clay Aiken's "Invisible"
  • Gary is so handsome
  • "Oh, is it time to kill my uncle already?"
  • Gub and bats
  • "I'm from there!"
  • "It was a group murder."
  • Racial insult for a worm man
  • "My name is Hhhhkkkkeeeyuuu…but you can just call me Michael."
  • Dwarf anatomy ("When a dwarf cums, it takes three days")

Pop/Culture References

  • "Invisible Touch" - 1986 rock song and album title by the band Genesis
  • Uncle Kracker - another accused sex-offender musician
  • "A Whole New World" - a song from Disney's movie "Aladdin"
  • Ross choosing between Julie and Rachel ("We were on a break!") - a storyline from the 90s American TV sitcom "Friends"
  • Crunch - an American chain of gymnasia
  • Rick Moranis - American comic actor appearing in many films, such as "Strange Brew" (1983) and "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" (1989)
  • Michael Keaton - American actor appearing in many films, such as "Mr. Mom" (1983) and "Bird Man" (2014)
  • Cabin in the Woods - an American horror film from 2012
  • "I Walk Alone" - song lyric used again and again over the last eighty years
  • "Blurred Lines" - a 2013 song from singer Robin Thicke, which infringed Marvin Gaye's copyrights and was banned for misogyny in parts of the UK
  • "Dino Riders" - an 80s American cartoon series
  • "Let Them Come" - a line probably from the video game "World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King" (2008)

SUMMARY
The characters all leveled up to nineteen at the start of this episode, which prompted both a huge roar from the players and then the corresponding warning from disturbed neighbors/roommates about the noise. DarTaji hands out "paltry scrapings" of magic items that were all they managed to save way back when they fled Orrenvale (presumably this was when Dar'Jjeeki was lost - a few years ago in the Feywild, more than a century ago on the material plane). Dar'Jjeeki, having met his father for the first time in a century, spends the time belittling him for being fat and lazy. Lana Ley (voiced by Matt Cook still) takes Gralford aside, and informs him that her father, Tagton O'Tour, had a close bond with Rocklon Stoneshield (and there was some wild sex), whom she grew to respect and admire as a beloved uncle. So she's attracted to Gralford now…and she has held onto Rocklon's belongings which she has passed onto Gralford.

DarTaji, meanwhile, interrupts his son's insults to explain that the Ungulti ("those wonderful mole men!") burrowed tunnels under the ocean so that the hengeyokai could escape the sack of Orrenvale, and that DarTaji prevented their immediate destruction by having the tunnels blocked with thousands of tons of stone. Then Dar'Jjeeki's young brothers accost him (for some reason, they're all rabbit-form hengeyokai, too), calling him "Unka DJ! Unka DJ!" and trying to pick his pockets.

Princess Camellia, wearing a new dress of pink and purple with hibiscus flowers strung in it, emerges like a vision from the forest, looking for Dar'Jjeeki. Dar'Jjeeki understandably abandons everyone to go off on a romantic weekend with her, after giving a hugely inspirational speech about returning to Orrenvale. Camellia and Dar'Jjeeki gaze deeply into each other's eyes, and Dar'Jjeeki can feel her heart beat quicken as they hold each other close, and she says "I wonder what Arience is doing now?" Clearly, she's still torn between the two of them. Perhaps Dar'Jjeeki should have followed his father's advice and eased her worries with some delicious tropical drinks first. She's also concerned about all the death and destruction they've witnessed and caused, and she wonders why they can't just stay here on the Summer Isle of Yth forever. Arience, swinging by on his own ape adventure, whispers "She's trying to talk us into a threesome!" Dar'Jjeeki shows that his charisma is not just from his amazing good looks, but also his inspiring personality, by giving yet another stirring speech about the need to TRY to make things better, which leads finally into his commitment of his love for her.

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Doc returns from his ape adventure to quaff copious delicious tropical drinks with Gub and Gralford, who is avoiding interacting with Lana Ley. DarTaji offers mushrooms just as more worm men assassins arrive to kill Gub (Daniel voices one of the assassins). Gub, Gralford, and Doc drunkenly fast-talk to convince the assassins that there's no point in carrying out the hit, as Azmar is dead, there's no way the contract is still valid, and the worm men could choose to help them escape the Summer Isle and get to settle in Bumbledark as their reward (instead of being exterminated by the Adventurers). They agree, with the further promise of free tropical drinks. DarTaji witnesses this agreement. Lana Ley catches Gralford checking her out. Arience assists a flushed and blushing Camellia out of her pea pod canoe when she returns from the weekend away with Dar'Jjeeki. Gralford entrusts Lana Ley with his family's shield, but she decides to accompany the party instead, following the worm men down the tunnel. No one else goes with them, as Dar'Taji wishes to wait to see what the Adventurers find.

Dar'Jjeeki and Camellia ride on the Prismatic Hare. Doc walks alone. Gub rides the healed and grown Pete the Phase Drake. Arience rides the Sable Fox, Wolf is with the Chase Wolf, and Gralford rides on the running sword of Anvil, the Lodestone Tortoise. It takes days, but they finally emerge into the once-beautiful Vale of Orren, which consists of a Minecraft-like variety of habitats. It is now shrouded by black clouds, every building is tumbled and destroyed, with pillars of fell light showing the way to a giant mountain in the center. Dar'Jjeeki explains how for millennia the Federation of the Fey have defended the Heart of the Worlds from all evil, but when they had to evacuate, some dark force was trying to take control of the Heart of the Worlds. Lana Ley pulls out crystal shards from Krugfesh's scepter, which she identifies as pieces of the Orrenstone. As they enter the ruins of the city, the Adventurers spot giant cyclops and obese ogres smashing the remains of buildings, while in the distance stands a vast pyramid from which one of the beams is shooting into the sky. They hear Warrior James threatening the giants and ogres in his outrageous dwarven accent.


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