This page provides details about Crit Juice Episode 53, the first episode from recording session seventeen.

Listen to Episode 54.


Drinking Gods
The group rolled a five this session. They drank King Harbor Ale (@kingharborbrew).

  • "Alcohol: the Great Disinfectant. Drink whenever a condition is removed from yourself or an ally." Submitted by Dave from Fort Collins.
  • "Someone call PETA! Drink whenever Pete, LP, or Chase takes damage." Submitted by Matt L.
  • "Tubthumping. Whenever you get knocked prone, take a drink. Whenever you stand back up, take another drink." Submitted by Kirk Miller.
  • "Wait - are you using a wooden sword? Anytime Gralford finishes a turn without dealing any damage, the entire party must drink. Bottom's up!" Submitted by @ramblingwaffle.
  • "If you have the Gaul. The Gaul Fall rule is in effect. However, the number shown on the dice (sic) that hits the floor is the number of drinks that must be shared amongst the group." Submitted by @jordanN


  • "Speed Limit" Roll a 20 on an initiative check, reward: one power crystal. Unlocked by Arience.

Crit Deck Cards

  • "Harmonic Convergence" Submitted by @spaceseeker19.


  • "Mr. T and the Pixies" - the morbidly obese dwarf and his persecutors are forming a band!!
  • "In my quarry" - 3 years of playing the game, with people making fun of him the whole time, and the Lewis quarry is still being referenced. The man is committed.
  • Gralford isn't really a dwarf - America's DM digs at Gary: "The elves in the party feel right at home, so…Gralford." Also, Gralford apparently has the softest hands.

Pop or Culture References

  • Amanda Seyfried - American actor known for roles in "Veronica Mars," "Mamma Mia!" and "Les Miserables"
  • Natalie Dormer, English actor known for roles in "A Game of Thrones" and "The Tudors"
  • George R. R. Martin - author/editor of science fiction/fantasy short stories and "A Song of Ice and Fire"
  • Joss Whedon - The school of magic that Gralford attended is named after this screenwriter/director/producer known for "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Firefly," and "The Avengers"
  • YouTube videos of "Popping a big gross ear pimple" - self explanatory
  • "Heal Cecil" - Matt Buchholtz's Final Fantasy-themed band. Cecil is the protagonist of Final Fantasy IV, a SNES video game from 1991.
  • "Denny's Platter" - Denny's is an American chain of diner restaurants, known for cheap breakfast combos served 24 hours a day. The "Hungry Spear, Great Spear" platter comes with your choice of English muffin or corn bread.
  • "Doctor Gloves/Vaseline" - latex gloves that surgeons wear when operating on a patient somehow get conflated with Vaseline, a petroleum lubricant product sometimes used as a skin moisturizer.
  • Aveeno - a brand of lotions and unguents.

Gralford, upset at what his good friend Doc is telling him about choosing to destroy the Stoneshield Clan's ancestral home, starts to randomly spark and arc lightning. He resumes beating up Mr. Turnale to take out his frustrations. Mr. Turnale seems to enjoy it. Gub offers the dwarf a drink, and the dark pixies appear and drunkenly chase away Mr. Turnale, who is ashamed to be seen without his full beard. Apparently, Mr. T is a masochist ("Punch me in th' nuts!"), for he (and the dark pixies) becomes an ally of the swordmage, as part of the new companion-ally |Companion Ally mechanic. Camellia, concerned that the dark pixies might actually kill him, checks on Mr. T…and
quickly regrets it, as Mr. T immediately resumes his drunken wooing of the teenaged beauty.

America's DM explains the mount benefits to the two guys who didn't get mounts - Doc, who killed the Hound of Dol Dorn, and Wolf, who was in the tavern dimension getting drunk and firing random arrows. Doc can invoke the spirit of Dol Dorn for in-game benefits, and Chase's collar has been ensorcelled so that the wolf can hulk out into a horse-sized canine called the "Chase Wolf." The group invokes the "Alcohol: the Great Disinfectant" drinking god rule, because Gralford's Stoneshield condition was removed.

The party proceeds through the ruins of Orrenvale, from the lake to the woods. They hear a rustling of dry leaves, and below that, Wolf and Doc notice the giggling of tree sprites/hamadryads. Gralford feels at home in the woods, like he's back at Whedonal Academy. Wolf and Doc notice a whiffling through the tulgey wood and notice diseased harpies (Doc christens them "Brimstone Harpies") approaching. They go to fight them, and the minions explode into a burst 3 of fire, burning the hamadryads' homes. The fight continues as the woods burn around them. Doc throws his Hungry Spear Great Spear and another Brimstone Harpy explodes, and the resulting burst of fire knocks out Arience's Companion Ally, Warrior James.

The party has a charisma check roll-off to see who has the softest hands, and Gralford "wins" (Arience fails because he's always been tended by hand servants "The Royal hands are clean, sire!")

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