This page lists all of the Crit Fail Deck cards heard in the game so far. Crit Fail Deck cards are submitted by the listeners and are drawn by the players any time a player gets a 1 on a d20 attack roll in combat, which is known as a "critical fail," or just a "crit fail."

The natural counterpart to the Crit Fail Deck is the Crit Deck.

Do you have an idea for a Crit Fail Deck card? Send your idea in e-mail to submit(at)critjuice.com, with the subject line "CRIT DECK"

  • "The god of the attack's domain causes the attack to hit you instead of your target." Submitted by Vindikshawn (sp?), rolled by Matt Cook. (first Crit Fail) Prologue 2
  • "Just as you are about to attack, you are suddenly overcome with an agonizing itchy sensation. It looks like the last room you stayed in must have been infested with bedbugs, which are now swarming over your body. In horror, you drop whatever is in your hands to scratch furiously at your bites. Take a -2 perception checks due to the irritating nature of your condition. Condition ends when you take a 10 to bathe." Submitted by Alex S. Rolled by Tom Fonss, for his character, Gub, in Episode 6.
  • "I swing my weapon with such force that I dislocate both shoulders. Can't attack until healed." Rolled by Brian. Submitted by great-collapsing-hrung-disaster.tumblr.com Episode 1
  • "Natalie Portman steps in front of you. 'I loveā€¦' is all she's able to say before the attack you were aiming at your foe obliterates her. She will now never be yours. There is now nothing to live for anymore. -2 to all defenses until the end of the encounter." Rolled by Gary while on the scaffolding in Episode 4. Submitted by ??
  • "Oh no! You called upon a trusted psychic, but 'Honey Boo-Boo Child' shows up instead. You have to take her with you on a leash for the next two rounds and feed her her "'Sketti." Your speed is 2 until she's gone." Submitted by CoGoPo. Rolled by Brian McGrath in Episode 5.
  • "You feel a pressure building in your lower abdomen, and eventually have no choice but to release what you hope will be a silent fart. You breathe a sigh of relief as the air escapes your sphincter without so much as a squeak. But as you breathe the sigh of relief back in, you smell the most rancid odor. The stench and potential embarrassment of such an affront to the sinuses is so distracting, you and anyone within a 2-square radius, are slowed to half speed for this and the next round." From Nick from Vancouver. Rolled by Gary in Episode 52.
  • "You feel a tickle at your foot. You glimpse down to see a small spider crawl up your pants leg. Thinking nothing of it, you continue your attack. Roll 1d6. Evens? It gets crushed in your pants leg; deal half damage. Odds? It bites you, you fall prone. Nat 1? It crawls into your urethra and lays a billion eggs. You are dazed for three rounds while they hatch." Submitted by Seth O. Rolled by Gary in Episode 4.
  • "You obviously haven't had enough to drink. Finish your drink." Submitted by Sarah E. Rolled by Gary Soldati in Episode 2.
  • "You've made two crucial mistakes. Number 1: you did not take the mandatory pre-fight shit. Number 2: you should never have ordered the spicy dragon wings for dinner last night, let alone finished three plates of them. Roll a d20. If it's even: in order to keep the disgusting fiery liquid from blasting out of you, you clench your ass-cheeks tight but are hobbled. You are slowed, save ends. If it's odd: you can't keep it in any longer and fiery doom bursts forth from your asshole, filling your armor and coating your lower half with feces. Take 2 ongoing damage from the fiery spices, save ends." Submitted by Gareth S. Rolled by Brian McGrath in Prologue 3.
  • "You sneeze and shoot yourself in the foot." Submitted by @beckaboo, rolled by Tom Fonss. Prologue 2
  • "You stumble backward and step on an orphaned kitten that was hiding in the dungeon. You are a horrible person. -2 to saves, save ends." Submitted by Jennifer L. Rolled by Tom Fonss. Prologue 3

Do you have an idea for a Crit Fail Deck card? Send your idea in e-mail to submit(at)critjuice.com, with the subject line "CRIT DECK"


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